Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Wildly Inappropriate

I'm not one of those women who doubts her beauty and ability to attract men. In the last 10 years of my dating life, I've picked up men at the gas station, the grocery store, a gay bar and now on an NJ Transit train. Being naturally gregarious and just good-looking enough to be approachable but not too gorgeous to be intimidating, my friends frequently delight in my stories of new guys, even if absolutely no one can keep track.

And yet, despite my magnetism, I seem to generally attract, for the most part, the most wildly inappropriate men. Oh you have a PhD, your own apartment and a good relationship with your mom? Yeah, you're just not going to be into me. You'll be my good friend but you will never imagine a future with me. But are you marginally employed in the shadow economy with an illegitimate child and a Tina Fey-esque, never-to-be-talked-about facial scar? Then clearly you will fall in love with me after just a few short encounters.

I started writing this post a few nights ago and just didn't have time to really flesh it out. Then, the reason for the delay became all-too apparent when I checked my FB inbox...
With the bizarre and grammatically-incorrect subject line of, "i love the way you smiles, dear readers I give you... Kenneth.
"good day (my first and last name) how are you doing today? i hope that you are cool.i m very happy with your profile its very interesting that is why i will love to know more about a beautiful and shining star like you. so tell me what are you doing for a fun mostly? i love reading , going to a beach as well listing to all kind of music.i will love to chat with you on yahoo messenger because i only come to face book often, here is my im for chatting (his IM) what is yours? i can,t wait to talk to an angel like you. i hope to hear from you very soon.

Were Kenneth a Liberian war orphan, I might be able to excuse his astounding creepiness and appallingly poor command of the English language. However, according to his Facebook profile, he's a native of Jersey City and a widower with one child who apparently is desperate to find "a god fearing lady to be (his) soul mate."

If this is what I attract, maybe it's just as well that I'm single. Luckily, I don't have this woman for a mother and my grandmother's Internet skills just aren't that good.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Open Letter to AZ Governor Jan Brewer

I left this on the Governor's comments page...

Governor Brewer,
You make me ashamed to be from the State of Arizona. While New Jersey (where I live now) may have challenges with corruption and high taxes, at least we don't make people illegal and violate their 14th Amendment rights simply for being of a certain skin color or country of origin.

I sincerely hope you realize the error of your ways and quickly change your mind about SB 1070. You humiliate the Grand Canyon State and have turned Arizona into a mockery in both the domestic and international communities. It's despicable.

No human being is illegal. By signing SB 1070, you have essentially made it illegal for anyone of Latino descent to leave the house without fear of gung ho law enforcement officials. God forbid any immigrant actually is a victim of a crime, because you certainly have eliminated their rights of safety and access to the legal process. They will no longer cooperate with law enforcement or serve as witnesses for fear of you and your xenophobic goons.

When will Arizona realize it cannot function without immigrants? Who would mow YOUR law? Who would cook for YOU in any restaurant? Who would drive the citrus and cotton industries so essential to YOUR state's economy?

When you figure that out, let me know.
A disgusted former Arizonan

Monday, March 22, 2010

Whose Addiction is this Anyway?

Why the minutia of Tiger Woods' daily life was any of my business before or after his wife tried to run him over, I have no idea. All I know is that now that it's happened and he has issued a trite mea culpa cum admission of addiction, I have to hear about him every damn day. Maybe the folks who feel especially disappointed by his infidelities are the same people who worshiped Bo Jackson, Larry Bird or (gasp!) OJ Simpson in their youth. They ascribed super humanity to their superheroes, forgetting the inherent corruption we all face as we mature and confront various moral and ethical dilemmas.

Simultaneous to the Tiger Beat-Off... (yeah, crude I know, but I had to get that in there!), has been a similarly epic media blitz on John Edwards and his baby mama drama. Come on people! If you're going to sleep with a celebrity, use protection. One would hope the money, fame and fortune come with a few condoms. I'm pretty convinced there's a special place in hell for John Edwards and that both his wife and his mistress will be there too.

But what annoys me more than the ridiculously callow behavior of these people is our fascination with it AND in the case of Woods, our willingness to excuse it as a form of addiction. Yes, I'm sure there are people legitimately struggling with sex addiction. However, when it comes to celebrities claiming it, I find it incredibly hard to believe.

Look at our history of political figures and celebrities in this nation - Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Ray Charles - HUGE womanizers! Drug addictions, ample (and sometimes interracial) extramarital affairs, illegitimate children abound and yet, we don't dwell on those issues when studying the legacies of this important men. None of these guys felt the burning scrutiny of the 24-hour news cycle and so they got away with their philandering. And I have to say that even the most stand-up guys I know who aren't celebrities would have a really tough time remaining faithful if 1000s of attractive women were flinging themselves at their loins on a daily basis.

Our wraparound technologies also make finding willing and able sexual partners that much easier. From AdultFriendFinder to Craigslist, even the average schmo can be big pimpin' any time he pleases. One can only imagine how much easier it becomes when money, power and celebrity enter the picture.

In no way do I condone the behavior of Woods, Edwards or any other idiots out there who essentially commit perjury against their own marriage vows. But at the same time, I simply can't understand why anyone thinks it's news.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Happy Anniversary... to Me

I reached a rather intriguing and potentially day-ruining milestone today - I have officially been single for a year. At one time in my life, this would have been cause for a tub of ice cream and a good cry. Yet, I've actually been pretty happy about it. I can't imagine accomplishing half the things I've done in the past year if I were in a relationship.

Not that my ex wasn't a nice, supportive guy. But I'm not sure that he, or any of the other men I've seriously dated, fully understood or appreciated my ambitions. I joke about my plans for world domination (don't worry, I fully plan to be a benevolent dictator), though I'm not always 100% kidding. Those delusions of grandeur you have as a kid? I never got completely over mine. And what I've discovered during the past year, is that it's a helluva lot easier to accomplish your goals without being in a relationship.

When you're dating someone, weekends often are spent in bed, or watching movies, or doing something obnoxiously cute like walking through a botanical garden together. But when you're single, you have entire weekends to devote to crazy things, like launching a nonprofit organization. Note from the voice of experience: it takes a LOT longer than a weekend. Being single affords one the opportunity to do as much or as little as one wants. And for a compulsive doer like me, that generally means you're gonna get shit done.

Celebrating a year of being single just a few months after turning 30 has also been easier to well, celebrate, because the selection of men hasn't been so astounding lately. Sure, I've enjoyed a few nice evenings and dinners in the company of relatively interesting guys. But not so many second dates. Maybe my standards have gotten higher in the past year. Simply put, I have great friends, a good job and entirely too many fulfilling hobbies. I'll gladly make time for a guy, but he has to be pretty damn fantastic.

Who knows what the next year will bring? Hopefully the ride will continue to be exciting... well maybe not quite as exciting.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Belle Curve

I love Christina Hendricks. She's one of the best reasons to watch Mad Men not named Matthew Weiner, Katherine Jane Bryant or Jon Hamm.

Her portrayal of secretary extraordinaire Joan Holloway is so incredibly fantastic, I dressed up as the character for Halloween and I credit her for the resurgance of dresses and high-waisted skirts in my closet. She's unapologetically voluptuous and her curves are utterly sensual.

The media is also all too enamored of La Hendricks and here she is on the cover of New York Magazine. Totally has made my morning. Every few years, a new "real" woman captures our attention simply for not being a stick figure - Kate Winslet and Jennifer Hudson, anyone? Hopefully, this time it's not just a spectacularly luscious flash in the pan.